On Wednesday and Thursday, the greater Chillicothe area will once again experience a heightened presence of both wooks and police officers, so your average festival-goer should just be careful all around. Once the Caravan of Thieves and All Them Witches are inside, however, that’s when the party will start. In fact, this party don’t stop at The Dawn, just ask Blake Gardner and the Farmers. He knows.
Thursday evening will be prime time for the nitrous ma-I mean the Chicago Funk Mafia, and hopefully we’ll all be settled into a little Abnormous Moontag by then – nothing but Business as Usual here!
But forget all that Dead Language – grab your Fanny Pack and some Little Pizza and join Hog Magundy – or Hyryder, (for some Dead tunes – this sentence is like a 10-part pun). Next we’ll be hitting the Homestretch Ride – but don’t miss out on Yojimbo (Carly will you marry me?)
After the wedding we’ll enjoy some music by Future Rock, and maybe even some ten-speed-bicycles-turned-into-rage-sticks (hey, it’s happened before). Whatever you do, just remember: Close only counts in Horseshoes and Lemonade…or something like that.
If you’re still up after midnight, and really, who isn’t, you might want to Dust some Strings (infamously) before heading to Positive Vibr8tions. And just in case you can’t fall asleep after that, you can join the rest of the late-night ravers for a Filibusta in the Vibe Tent.
If you stayed up all night Thursday night, then you’ll have to make a Mass Relay to make it to the stage for the noon start on Friday – but you can do it! In fact, early Friday will be very similar to Thursday night weather-wise, as there will be plenty of Dust, Power, Grass and more.
Next we’re gonna Break some Science and pop a dose, yo (say that real fast), or maybe you’ll check out Krewella, if that’s your thing. Either way will bring the Manic Focus squarely onto the men of the hour – Umphrey’s McGee. But they’re just really opening up from Destructo and Brodinski (just kidding). After UM we might have a chance to view and End Of Time Observatory, which will certainly happen in the middle of a Tiny Universe.
And then finally: STS-9-Dollar-beer night is upon us, which will be ended up at some point by Tchami and Claude VonStroke. Not together.
Assuming you’re still awake from the prior two days, Saturday at noon will be a great time to see Family Groove Company! Even if you’re not still awake, you might wanna get up and out for this one. But don’t forget your Turbo
Suit, because the Wood could Flood. Thankfully you’re a Freeman, so you’ll be able to pick up some Floozies to join you for some Milk N Cookies later on in the evening.
Continuing with the Dead 50 celebration we’ll have Joe Russo’s Almost Dead in the mid-afternoon (ps I’ll have coloring books for sale at the Dead 50 Chi lot) – and they’ll be followed directly by The Motet (my buddy’s brother used to play in that band!).
There will be a whole New Deal going on a little bit later, so get over your Hermitude and find some Violent Femmes to party with – you won’t regret it. Oh, and whatever you do: DO BELIEVE THE PROTOHYPE about moe. They’re good, and they know how to Werk it. They’ll play a couple times, as will UM, so don’t be a Liquid Stranger left out in the Bondax – get out and get down! After about 3 we’ll have to Kill the Noise, though, so it’ll be nothing but Snails crawling around after that. That’s a good thing, because you’ll probably need some sleep at this point.
Sunday starts out kind of Flaccid, as it usually does, but there’s a Gaelic Storm on our radar that even DJ McFly can’t handle. After that it’s straight to moe., who will have Bruce Hornsby for what is sure to be some more Dead 50 jams (coloring books!) That’s just warm-up for good ol’ Hornsby, though, who will be Making a lot of Noise later on in the evening.
Speaking of the evening: PUT IT IN THE DUMPSTA!!! Who knows, you might run into John Butler on a One Way Road or riding a Zebra, or you might see the Space Cowboy, Steve Miller himself getting some Jungle Love or Wild Mountain Honey on a Jet Airliner. But don’t Take the Money and Run – instead just dance, dance, dance your way over to Widespread Panic, where you might even see Cleetus from The Simpsons. Or some super kind people who end up giving you their spot on the rail at your very first WSP show (hey, it’s happened before).
We’ll have some Mummy meat in between the Widespread Sandwich (that was Klevah, huh?), before things go Haywyre in a Big Gigantic way with Greensky Bluegrass, Griz and then more of moe. (and I don’t mean Moe from The Simpsons).
Once the jam cloud clears out and the dust settles, we’ll be left feeling like Black Tiger Sex Machines who were rode hard and put up wet. There’s no real Sound Remedy for that situation, except for maybe making a Diamond out of Paper and praying to the weather gods.
In Short: Pack your rain boots, it’s gonna be a mess.